Don't Forget About Them When It Gets Hard

    
    

 "You want to take a walk together when I get home this evening?" Adam asked me as he was preparing to walk out the door for work.
"Yeah." I answered happily. I always enjoy walking with him in the evenings. 
    Throughout the day, I kept thinking about spending some time with Adam when he got home. 
Because he works full time and is going to school in the evenings, which is an hour away from where we live, we do not get to spend much time together. He often needs to spend off hours studying for up coming tests. I dearly enjoy time we get together when there are no distractions. 
   That evening when he got home, he did not say anything about taking a walk. I could not help wondering throughout the day if he would be too tired when he got home. He also got out of school later than I had thought he would. I decided not to bring up anything about a walk but heated him some supper and suggested we watch a favorite show of his, instead. 
   I could not help feeling lonely. I had been so looking forward to the walk... just to get away from the house a little bit and be with  Adam.  With just one vehicle, I don't get out much unless I go with Adam somewhere. 
 
  
 I was struggling with myself wondering if it was okay to be disappointed. I felt like my needs as a wife weren't being met.  And that discussion ended up leading me to this train of thought. 
   This life is not just hard on me. It is hard on both of us. Although I know it is hard on Adam in terms of being tired a lot, and being gone a lot, I had not really thought about the fact that he gets discouraged too. He needs me to be there for him just like I need him to be there for me. But if I am so focused on how I feel, I won't notice how he feels. 
   Honestly, it is a real struggle to know how to balance everything. Adam has got to have enough study in to do well on his tests and ultimately this material he is learning could save his life as a Police Officer. And He needs to do well at work so that we are supported while he goes to school. 
If too much priority is put on work and school, then the marriage suffers. If too much is put on the marriage, then school and work suffer. 
   But I realize that this is difficult on Adam too. He has the responsibility to provide for us, and be a husband, and he is going to school again so he can enjoy what he does. 
So I need to be careful to pay attention to when he needs me to be there a little more than normal. 
It is a difficult time for both of us right now and I can not forget that. 
It can be easy for me to focus on the needs I want met but forget that my husband has needs he needs met too.  
   For some of us wives, I think it can sometimes be easy for us to focus on our needs we feel are not being met.  We can sometimes forget that although many jokes are thrown around about men needing physical intimacy, that is not all they want. They want to know that we as their wives believe in them, and are supporting them. They want to know that they are doing a good job providing for us and our children. They want to know that they can provide us with a good life and that we are happy we married them. Adam loves to hear me tell him that I am proud of him. 
   Sometimes as women, we think we should not tell our husband that they are doing a good job, for fear that they will not want to get any better. But that is not how it works. When a man knows he has done well in something, it encourages him to get better at that.If I tell Adam, "you are a good provider", he does not think, " Oh good, I do not have to get any better at this. She likes me just how I am." It makes him want to be better at it. It makes him want to impress us more! 
   If your husband seems lazy, try encouraging him on whatever he is good at. There is something he does well. And remember that if life feels tough for you, likely it is tough for your man as well, even if he doesn't seem to show any signs of being discouraged.
It can be hard to remember this- and I struggle with it as well- but marriage is not 50% from you and 50% from your spouse. Marriage is 100% from both of you. 

*Sigh* I know it is hard. Life...and our sinful nature, has a way of helping us remember our own needs and somehow not always paying attention to our spouse's needs. 
   Poor Adam was spent when he got home and he was discouraged and not feeling like he was a great husband. But he is... and he needed to hear it from me. That was a need he had... (and continues to have.)  He needed me to tell him what I think about him. He is a wonderful husband and he works so hard and does a good job at what he does. That makes me a very proud wife.  And I am very glad that he chose me to be by his side.  Just like I had a choice to say yes or no to his proposal, he had a choice to ask me or ask another girl. But I am honored that he wanted me. 
   Don't lose sight of the important things when life gets hard, friends! Doing these hard things  together is what makes a couple stronger in the end. 




Now.... off to transfer the laundry so that Adam's academy clothes are clean for Monday. 

Until next time, 
Elise Hall 

Comments

  1. I love your perspective! You are SO right. When life requires much from your man it requires much from you. Selflessness is a trait I'm constantly reminded I do not have and yet I need it badly. "The Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve and give His life...." Thanks for reminding me to praise my man more... I do not do well at that and I know Gilbert needs it. Stay strong in the Lord, friend!

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    Replies
    1. Amen! Thank You Kimber! Honestly, I am encouraged when I read your posts and see your pictures. You are open and honest about hard things. Thank you for that, friend.

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